Article published in the Spring 2005 edition of GT News (The magazine of the Gender Trust)

Emma Martin

The Nazi guard stood over the trembling Jewish father and said, "You have a beautiful daughter and a lovely wife. One I shall let go; the other I shall send with you to the concentration camp where she will be raped repeatedly; worked until she is no longer any use to us and then murdered. You must choose which will survive."

The British Government stood over the happily married couple, one of whom was transsexual, and said, "You can continue your marriage but we will never allow you (the trans person) to be recognised in your true gender, or you can have your 30 year marriage annulled."

People may say that the two examples are very different … but then it probably doesn’t affect them, so how could they know?

People may argue that the government is bringing in ‘Civil Partnerships’ for ‘single-sex’ relationships … but a ‘civil partnership’ is not a marriage. It also implies a lesbian or homosexual relationship, which is often an embarrassment to a ‘straight’ wife or husband. Why should s(he) have to be tarred with that particular brush?

People may say ‘Well it only affects a few people so what chance is there of changing the rules anyway, just accept that this is a big step forward and the best we could expect’. True, it is a huge move in the right direction … but there was clearly a lack of lateral thinking on behalf of the government when it came to this minority of a minority.

People may say that The Bible says marriage must be between a man and a woman, yet ‘marriage’ existed long before organised religions came into being. Surely marriage is not purely about sex and procreation? What about infertile men and women? Should they be forced to have their marriages annulled as well?

The annoying thing is that this could have been resolved without the heartache that having to make such an impossible decision causes.

I see no reason why the British Government cannot allow married trans people to remain married and still obtain GRCs. What problems would this cause? It would mean that the trans person would be treated in their true gender for all purposes except marriage, yet this is nothing new and is certainly not consistent. I have held a driving license and passport stating categorically that I am female for six years. I have a medical card that says I’m female. I have credit card agreements where the gender marker is set to female … yet my birth certificate says I’m male. Why should the changing of one document be such a big issue? The government is still allowing certain organisations to treat transsexual people in the sex assigned at birth, insurance companies being a prime example. And, of course, it is allowing religions to treat us as ‘non-people’ by refusing to marry us to either sex should they so wish! What is the point of sex discrimination acts and human rights if they don’t apply to everyone?

So far, it appears that the vast majority of couples who have a trans partner have been together for many years. Is it right that so many years of togetherness should be put in jeopardy?

It is still unclear just how many couples this will affect, fifty, one hundred, a hundred and fifty? Let’s just assume for now that it’s around a hundred couples. Within days of setting up Transmarriage we are already gathering the views and feelings of a number of couples … but we need more members. We need to be able to represent as high a percentage of people affected by this undesirable decision into which we have been forced as we can. Only then will be able to make our voices heard.

We will not give up the fight. We will get our message across through existing and new media contacts, we will petition our MP’s, we will approach religious leaders and make our case … and we will do it in an adult and respectable manner. We will present the true face of marriage, that of couples who wish to spend the rest of their days together because their feeling for each other transcend sex, religion, gender and politics.

In summary what are we fighting for?

The right to allow our marriages to continue ‘until death do us part’, yet still allow us to have our birth certificates corrected. Membership is open to any couples who find themselves in this unenviable position, but also to individuals who support our aims whether married or not.

Please join us by emailing emma at Sanctity dot org dot uk or phoning me on 01353 698397 or 07703 578761.

(c) Emma Martin 2^nd February 2005